tender buttons

i subscribe to esquire magazine bc i think they are promoting the long lost art of modern gentlemanliness.

this issue, they put together a list of “things we think we’ve figured out,” pretty sweet and here are some of my favorites:

consoling

• always carry a clean handkerchief

conversations with her father

• never, ever even hint at even thinking about poking fun at her in any way whatsoever. it’s not funny. it will not endear you to him. it will not be found relatable.

listening (because we don’t do it well)

• just be quiet. please. for her. stare into her eyes and be quiet. give her advice only when she asks for it.

“great” versus “beautiful”

• that’s a beautiful dress, you look great. fail.
• that’s a great dress, you look beautiful. pass.

entrances and exits

• she goes first: doors you’ve already opened, any place really, except…
• you go first: movie theater rows (you’re acting as the battering ram), revolving doors (you’ve getting the thing moving), cabs (you’re sliding over so she doesn’t have to).

easy answers for common questions

• do you like what i’m wearing? you look beautiful.
• do i look fat in this? of course not.
• can you give me a hand? of course.
• which do you like better: this one or this one? that one.
• what the fuck is your problem? i love you.

not as great as we thought

• roses, sex toys, cologne, being really great with kids, purchasing clothes for her, a kissably smooth shave.

better than we thought

• knowing her favorite drink, writing a thank you note to her parents, helping with her coat, wiping off the sink, toilet seat down, tucking in your shirt.